HUGE reveal on season two premiere of “This Is Us”

Nah, just kidding. We understand why there are millions of Ussies* devoted to This Is Us, what with NBCUniversal’s inaugural Symphony, cross-channel marketing campaign last season. But it’s not our cup of tea, so you probably won’t see a whole lot about it here.

But while we have your attention…

No doubt future shows will attempt to recreate the success of This Is Us. Here are a few pilot treatments we hear are making the rounds now, looking to capitalize on name recognition alone.

This Is Bus A show about an anthropomorphized New York City bus’ attempts to navigate the topsy-turvy world of a major urban center. Think Thomas the Tank Engine with Tony Soprano’s accent. “ Ehh, I’m drivin’ hea!”

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“I need to talk to the American public.” -T.J. “Mucinex” Miller

This Is Mucus The blob of mucus from the Mucinex commercials, as voiced by T.J. Miller, in a half-hour, workplace comedy. Hilarious tension ensues when, no matter how many times he washes his hands before using it, the copy machine always gets covered in highly contagious goop.

This Is Russ Campaign finance is reformed once again, this time via a reality competition show where candidates compete to determine their contributions. Russ Feingold hosts this mashup of Blade Runner and Wheel of Fortune. Think candidates chanting, “Come on, soft money! Soft money!” with the vim and vigor of a charming, Midwestern grandmother of six.  

This Is Mus(to) This docu-series follows former Village Voice columnist Michael Musto as he bikes around the neighborhood. That’s it. This is a spiritual successor to Bob Ross’ The Joy of Painting, a zero-stress program that serves as an antidote to higher-stakes, agitating fare, like, for example, This is Russ.

*Assuming there are some sort of royalties that might be involved with coming up with the glib nickname for the show’s fans? No? Okay.

Don’t call it a comeback

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“Life is what happens to you while you are busy having self-inflicted guilt for letting your television blog fizzle out just before the golden age of television.” -John Lennon, we think

We’d be naive to pretend that we can just dive back in. A lot’s changed out there since we last posted.

We’re sorry we left you hanging through all that, but we’re back. And for Boob Tubers 2.0, a few ground rules…

  1. The old Boob Tube, she ain’t what she used to be. TV is digital, cords have been cut, and everyone (we mean everyone) is now a purveyor of scripted, original content. Well, we’re sticking to our name. (Who can turn down the never ending SEO opportunities of “boobs?”) But consider us commenters on all moving images in two to three dimensions, no matter where or how they’re consumed. We’re xennials.  We’ll probably call it all TV. And you’re going to have to be okay with that. It’s gonna get pretty old pretty fast if you’re correcting us every time.
  2. We were really, really off about Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Our bad. No more defaulting to Sorkin love based on West Wing laurels (says Jen; Lani was never into that “Let’s take Matthew Perry seriously” shit).
  3. No recaps here. We’re sticking to what we do best*. We’re pumped to provide you that perfect balance of hot, topical takes on what’s going on in TV land alongside listicles of personalities we wouldn’t kick out of bed.

*What we think we do best.